“Death Is not to be treated with tea and cake!”
We facilitated our first Death Cafe this week on the Isle of Bute. Promoting the event was kept low key - a mixture of poor social media skills and a desire to keep the group small and manageable. The event itself went well - people came, they were curious, they had something to say and they said it. And after the nerves had settled, we talked some more, less structured, weaving our way through the subject, stopping to examine an idea or belief. And some of the conversation took us to places in our past. Memories were triggered and words stuck in our throat a little, and tears emerged, and we fell silent out of respect. Hearts opened a little to each other. And yes, cake was consumed - Battenberg if you are interested.
Promoting the event via facebook (there are two main FB groups for the island) seemed the ideal platform, so I had created a flyer and shared, disabling comments and encouraging people to contact me directly, or follow links to learn more. Someone took great exception to the flyer. They waved the flyer and (metaphorically) roared “DEATH IS NOT TO BE TREATED WITH TEA AND CAKE!”.
What followed was a remarkable, unsolicited, and uplifting outpouring of comments, expressing support for the concept. People talked of their own personal experiences with death and loss, and they defended the rights of others to discuss the topic openly (and with cake!). It was the most mature, reflective, and unified series of comments I have ever seen on the island - It was, in a way, it’s own, unmoderated Death Cafe. It was great promotion.
Next month I start the End of Life Aid Skills for Everyone (EASE) training developed by the Scottish Partnership for Palliative Care. The course is free, virtual, lasts four weeks and takes about 8 hours to complete including a weekly zoom session. As they say on their site:
“Through activities, short films and group discussion participants explore a range of issues that can arise when someone is approaching the end of life, and some practical ways a friend or family member can offer support.”
Click on the EASE link above to be taken to their site.
